TOUCH TO TALK?

Have you ever noticed someone cross their arms in disagreement?  Or have you felt disrespected by an ill timed eye roll? Chances are, the people who displayed these actions were not even aware that they were doing it.  These actions are a form of communication that everyone uses, all the time, whether they intend to or not.  It is non-verbal communication.  Non-verbal communication,or NVC, constitutes as much as 95% of all communication between people.  Generally when people think NVC they assume it means body language.  While that is true, there is much more to it than that. Among non-verbal signals there are 5 main categories; Kinesics (which is the technical term for body language), Artifactual, Proxemics, Chronemics, and Haptics.

Let’s briefly discuss what is covered by each category of NVC.

Kinesics – This is body language.  The basics are posture, gestures, facial expressions, and gaze/eye contact.  Certain postures are considered open or closed, such as arm crossed (closed) or arms open or placed in lap (open).  This means the person is either accepting or rejecting the message you are sharing with them.  In combination with open/closed postures, there are forward/back postures.  Forward/ back postures reflect if the receiver is actively or passively, accepting or rejecting your message.  Gestures such as the thumbs up, OK sign, Even a wave, usually have very specific intended messages.  However, you must keep in mind that many gestures are not universally understood. In the USA, the OK sign means good, spot on, okay, hence the name.  However, in France the same gesture means zero or worthless.  The same gesture means money in Japan.  And in many other European countries it means an obscene insult.

Facial expressions tend to be really obvious to the receiver.  And they are very difficult to fake.  So if someone’s facial expression doesn’t match their verbal message, you may want question the integrity of their words.  As for gaze and eye contact in the American culture, some eye contact is absolutely necessary to display integrity and interest.  Though there can be too much eye contact.  Have you ever talked with someone who held really steady contact throughout the conversation?  At first it seems they are sincerely interested and focused, but then, you quickly start to feel creeped out.  That’s because this person is not aware of their NVC.

Artifactual – This is your hair, clothing, and jewelry.  As you are well aware, people judge others harshly regarding their appearance,especially during an initial impression. Maybe it’s the weekend and you run into someone at the grocery store wearing pajamas and let’s say their hair hasn’t been combed and they have dark bags under their eyes.  It’s probably safe to assume this person was up late and doesn’t have much planned for the day besides loading up the refrigerator.  Or maybe you’re going for a job interview, would you wear a nice button up shirt and pressed khakis or jeans and a T? Well, it depends on the impression you wish to give, and the kind of job you are applying for. 

Proxemics –Extremes of this category are close talkers and the across the room screamers.  Make sure the distance between you and your target is appropriate for the message you are relaying.  0-18 inches is intimate, so stay out of this range unless you’re communicating with our significant other or best friend.  If your message is personal but not intimate,share it from 18 inches to 4 feet. Anything in the 4-12 foot range is considered social, as in the message contains only information that you wouldn’t mind sharing with everyone in the immediate vicinity.  Over 12 feet is in public space that usually is reserved for finding your friends at sports games.

Chronemics – This one is simple.  Showing up on time displays respect, maturity, and integrity. Tardiness  does not.

Haptics – This one is a bit touchier (no pun intended). Haptics refers the strongest and most personal form of communication,physical touch.  Through touch we create trust and report almost instantly; a handshake between business partners or a hug between friends.  This is a vital technique to master as research has demonstrated the effective use of touch encourages teamwork and enhances performance. Touch even affects our physiology by releasing oxytocin, a powerful hormone that decreases concentrations of the stress hormone cortisol and thereby lowers blood pressure.  Touch is the first sense to develop in the whom, no wonder that it is so powerful. As affective as touch is to build relationships, inappropriate Haptics will cause the relationship to breakdown faster than an American automobile. 

So, what do you do now that you are aware of every wink,fidget, posture adjustment, piece of jewelry, brand name, pat on the back, foot tap, and head nod?  The answer is nothing.  These are general guidelines,not rules.  There are always exceptions.  Don’t try to become an actorin hopes of fooling people of your true intentions.  Just pay attention.  By becoming aware of the way other people use NVC, you will automatically begin to make minor adjustments in your own actions.  When NVC is used effectively,you’ll notice people responding more positively to interactions with you and this will lead to stronger, more beneficent relationships.

ABOUT OUR GUEST WRITER

 MISCHA LEVINE, PTA, CPT is a Licensed Physical Therapist Assistant and is a graduate of Whatcom Community College in Bellingham, WA. 

 He is also a certified fitness trainer and a nutrition consultant. He is passionate about health and wellness and is applying this in all aspects of his personal and work life.